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The Best Thing That Never Happened To Me Epub

Author:MAGARET JIMEREZ
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Genre:Academic & Education
Pages:112
Published (Last):26.02.2016
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I usually use: General EBooks - Best books from all over internet for FREE! Originally Answered: Suggest me some of the websites which provide PDF's of famous books for free? I Have you ever googled yourself? .. Open Library was redesigned and relaunched in May with GitHub codebase. My father made it clear: I was no longer his son if I ever sinned with a man. I was cast out of my family, out of my pack, out of the very land that had nurtured me since I was born. The quiet, small town of Higbee is the perfect place to see th. Never, I repeat never, fall in love with your best friend if he's straight. Nothing good can come of it. Trust me. Our friendship was over before we.

Good egg. Is comfortable with note-taking. Fifteen students. Women sit, as at an old-line synagogue, slightly apart from men. David wearing Fryes, blue bandanna. Carrying Diet Pepsi. Dave has noticed some surprising student errors this week.

They laugh. The students know another thing: And they want somehow to acknowledge it. Done being famous yet? Blush smile Two more minutes. Quick chatter about his media appearances. I love the way the Trib described your office.

Did you wind up, like, next to Dick Vitale and Hillary Clinton? Dave says he got real nervous on the flights, kept picturing grave etc. Just put pepperoni and mushrooms on my Tombstone. A take-out, grocery pizza sort of joke.

They talk about his magazine photos. Dave blushes more. Is that me? Is also drinking a Diet Pepsi. Class begins with a jump from celebrity into the supernormal, the administrative. Office hours next week. Bring light reading material, if you have to wait in the hallway. Begins work on student stories.

Offering Very Sensible advice. Lots of jobs for fiction, you have to keep track of twelve different things—characters, plot, sound, speed.

But the job of the first eight pages is not to have the reader want to throw the book at the wall, during the first eight pages. He paces around the classroom. Happy, energetic. At one point, thinking, he even drops into a quick knee bend.

Class laughs; they really like him. First story: Dave on story, always using TV: Or When Harry Met Sally. Dave glances up. Another story he likes: Craning up and down when discussion and story get him excited.

The student being workshopped is a punkish guy: Take it from me. To have the narrator be funny and smart, have him say funny, smart things some of the time. Holds steady. On the campus romance story. I could spend a half hour telling you about my trip to the store, but that might not be as interesting to you as it is to me. Notebooks closing, bookbags rising from floor to desktop.

Ruckle noises, kids standing. Brings me a water to drink. Where would you be without me? I can see the ashtrays. I wrote Broom of the System when I was very young. I mean, the first draft of that was my college thesis. There are parts of it that I think are good.

Even at signings, when people bring it up to sign. The paperbacks? And they did just enough hardcovers that they could say … Post Jay McInerney. Yeah … It seems to me rather an odd thing to bring out again, that—because it was a totally different kind of fiction. Nice to watch you blossom from what was initially a marketing thing. Some of this stuff is nice. But I also realize this is a big, difficult book. The thing about fame is interesting, although I would have liked to get laid on the tour and I did not.

Only in Rolling Stone would I not worry about this. But it seems like, what I want is not to have to take any action. Where is your hotel? Happens to Aerosmith. But maybe not to Abba Eban.

Shyness and arrogance often go hand in hand, I think. Betrayal of your work self to do that? No, but I had this fantasy. Basically, it just would have made me be lonely.

You talk all you want, man. How do you learn to do this stuff? Because even I, I can clearly see there are certain strategies. Not really. My strategy here is getting facts about you. Your tour: Three weeks?

Who will pick you up. Who will take you to the interview, then walk on your back and fuck your eyeballs out. And of course these escorts turn out to be burly Irishmen. You know, in their forties. Who like basically tell you the whole life story of the interviewer before you go there. So the whole thing is a little amusing. I had two, both of them over fifty.

Very cool. Boston born and bred. You have to click that little thing up. What does Jann want? Like his feints about tour sex above; like the chess, seeing how I respond, move by move. Is that true?

Except the pub date was two and a half weeks ago. The book takes at least two months to read well. So therefore, whatever famousness is about, the hype is famous. I mean, you as an emissary of Rolling Stone. I would like to get laid offa this. The shallow stuff. I would like to get laid off it. I now know he did this sort of thing as his approach, and I can see it here, his trying to guess what people wanted, what I wanted.

To be left alone, to nudge them away on the trip back through the living room, from work room to private room. The stuff I said to you while we were playing chess? I got no problem making money. I went through this time in my twenties of feeling, feeling a pressure and expectation far in excess of anything the real world could place on you. Taking money for something up front brings that pressure back. And um, the nice thing about teaching is that, I feel like teaching is my livelihood. And I just, um, it may be true that I could get a lot of money if I took an advance now.

But if I do it, I am buying myself a pack of trouble. That I just—and that pain, that pain, I fear that pain more than I want the money. The whole thing about trying to regulate himself, to produce a temporary self he could be comfortable and function in. Very squeezed parameters, somehow.

Foreign sales: I play a certain number of games. Film sale? Probably unfilmable … Which maybe will make it rather easier to take money for it.

Knowing that I will never have to see the artifact itself. No, I would take that money and run for the hills. As it turns out, the film rights are sold about six months later. Cooler heads will prevail. But I would be pretty surprised.

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But if? Five years? Well, I think being shy basically means being self-absorbed to the extent that it makes it difficult to be around other people. And I have elements of that shyness in me. End up plying their trade in the direct presence of other people. And maybe five or six other writers I know real well.

You know? What will the effect of this be on you? Which in personal intercourse? Makes things very difficult. For a writer. But that actually comes in handy. It would be way too pomo and cute, to do. But it would be very interesting. It would be the way for me to get some of the control back. And it might be why writers are such shitty interviews.

Like Streitfeld thought I would never be his friend after the thing came out in Details. Little, Brown took an enormous chance doing the book. But this stuff is real bad for me, it makes me self-conscious. The more exposure I as a person get, the more it hurts me as a writer. But I said yes to this, so that I could in good conscience say no to a couple other things that are just way more toxic. Why do you think of it as a kind of toxic self-consciousness— If I could get laid out of it.

I think. Or maybe I really look like that. But the self-consciousness is helpful to you too? Are these short stories of the level of somebody who was just featured in Rolling Stone? Those things go away; like worries about where I am now, who I am now, whether my girlfriend last year was better for me, so was I maybe writing better then? Did those figures in my landscape help me orient myself better, organize my life better?

It goes away. But this is a rather stronger and more dangerous kind of self-consciousness. But I do know that to the extent that like, that I derive my self and satisfaction from the work, rather than whether Mr.

You know what I mean? So like, why climb into the arena with this bull? But that little part of me does not get to steer. That little part can turn pretty ravenous though? If you see me like you know as a guest on a game show in the next couple of years, we will know. Heavy tray, big Midwestern spread. Also cookies. And two Diet Cokes. When you all want your cookies, just come up and yell at me. Could we have a larger table, also, please? A friend of mine and I had this joke, that various things are pomo-erotic.

That part of the brain can prove to be ravenous? But I know it can be. Who would want to be that way? But many less-talented people than you get lots of attention. Which can be a little painful. This is an example of the system working. I think just: American Psycho—I thought he was really ill-served by his agent and publisher even letting him publish it, and those are the only two things of his that I read. Same risk for you?

Because whatever I do, the next thing will be very different from this. Maybe Infinite Jest II. To be merciful. David Leavitt noose quote: Reviewers will use my first book as a noose to hang my second. I think it often is. He wants to do it. It makes him happy. Here is this—this may piss you off or strike you as disingenuous.

This is just not my cup of tea. How did it burn? You know, this lady Donna Tartt came? And I read Secret History. And I thought it was, you know, it was pretty good. The waitress has returned with my tip after all. David retains his thought. And I just—you know, I went through some of that. Plus, the research on this thing.

Until this escort in Chicago told me. I just missed like four years of this. Hemingway tapeworm quote: Or great white sharks fighting over a bathtub, you know? And I was right in that: Then I went to Yaddo. I was at Yaddo twice. And I would go to New York, and give these readings, go to these parties.

There were some of these writer-guys at Yaddo with me when I was there. And they were like five years older than me, and they were like big superstars, and I was like … [Jay McInerney, Lorrie Moore, and others] So you were at Yaddo with some literary heavyweights and you fell into that sort of casino mind-set?

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And you have these ideas about why people are in the game, what they want. And most of the ideas degenerate into—devolve into—this idea of how other people are gonna regard you. So you look to these people who are well regarded, and regard them as having made it and all this kind of stuff. Mark was curious, from the beginning, to see how David would make out in the field; he lived this part—the positioning and business politics—this version of the literary life with David. His friend Jon Franzen sees a different novel: Writers can be especially awful, about measuring each other and about touching fame.

An assistant answers instead. How do I protect and expand it? And what is it people like about me anyway? Easier to say that now, though? With Infinite Jest in magazines and on covers of book reviews? With your readings jammed? I am proud of this book. I worked really hard on it.

I was pretty sure that it would fall stillborn from the presses. But that within three or four years—like Girl sells better now than when it first came out. When did counterindications come? When Vogue and the fashion magazines … [The tape side runs out. And shittily reviewed, at a much more public level than I would have before.

Bonnie Nadell, his agent, as a sensitive person she was protecting. Franzen, as a friendly rival and fellow whiz who would maybe benefit from a little simultaneous social translation. As long as he persuaded enough people of those different aspects of himself—sort of sending them out on missions—they would protect him on any grounds that needed defense. I know he really liked it. And I know he really read it hard, because he helped me—I mean, that book is partly him.

A lot of the cuts are where he convinced me of the cuts. But also, editors and agents jack up their level of effusiveness when they talk with you, to such an extent that it becomes very difficult to read the precise shade of their enthusiasm. That they had to really like it. And partly that feels good, and partly makes it feel, I mean, I got fairly lucky. I know this sounds very political.

But I think as a house, these guys are—you can find houses where people really love books.

Sounds like it. But the indications: Four months ago, you were saying? Those idiots for handing out those postcards. For Premiere. Lynch had his own trouble with getting famous. Twin Peaks, the Time cover. I mean, one of them—like a limited edition. And then as you know, the fact checkers would call. And then I was trying to work on this Lynch piece, which was very hard and very long. I mean—have you read it?

There are things about it that are reasonably hard. I was ready for a lot more perceptions I think like what that lady had, that Michiko Kakutani lady. Oh, I met the guy at the party. Walter Kirn. I mean, I heard. People told me a couple of things that he said, which sounded to me really stupid. The plaques and citations can now be put in escrow. And that spectacularly good. I went and found the Atlantic, because I was scared about Sven [Birkerts].

They always fuck me up. I applauded his taste and discernment. What do you want me to say? How would you feel? People are gonna ridicule me. Being human animals with egos, we find a way to accommodate that fact of our ego, by the following equation: If it sells really well and gets a lot of attention, it must be shit.

Then of course the ultimate irony is: Buy it for that reason—which is good, because Little, Brown makes money. We write to be read. And the idea of, OK, the book making a lot of money but not getting read, is for me fairly cold comfort.

But you know what I mean? So, see me in a year. But now clearly seems to be humming in and of itself. That—you know. This machine that has you out here, asking about my reaction to a phenomenon that consists largely of your being out here. I love this song. This is one of the few songs of theirs I like. I never liked the Who very much. Literary heavyweights: And feeling like I wanted to be regarded the way they were regarded. And uh … what was our point? And now: I really got into it.

I mean like … You became a better stylist? I think I work harder now. I think when I was twenty-two or twenty-three, I pretty much thought every sentence that came off my pen was great. Because, you know, we wanna be doing this for forty more years, you know?

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This points at table, tape, me is nice, but this is not real. I learned that the hard way. And this came alive to me halfway through. Just, the volume gets turned down. Just, I was a hack: And I got real invested in it. Which I think shows some talent, but was in many ways a fuck-off enterprise. It was written very quickly, rewritten sloppily, sound editorial suggestions were met with a seventeen-page letter about literary theory that was really a not-very-interesting way … really a way for me to avoid doing hard work.

I mean, this is absolutely the best I could do between like and For me it has much more to do with, I feel like people are talking to me. I feel like this thing, this is a living thing. With whom, with which I have a relationship that needs to be tended. That I feel, not—that I feel un-lonely working on it.

But, um … I just think that it hurts. I think I have a really low pain threshold. Have you since read the seventeen-page letter about Broom? Oh sure. It talks about how the entire book is a conversation between Wittgenstein and Derrida, and presence versus absence. And in fact it was a very cynical argument, because there was a part of me—this was a year and a half after I wrote it, and I knew that that ending, there was good stuff about it, but it was way too clever.

It was all about the head, you know? I was in … Dave Land. I had four hundred thousand pages of continental philosophy and lit theory in my head. And by God, I was going to use it to prove to him that I was smarter than he was.

And so, as a result, for the rest of my life, I will walk around … You know, I will see that book occasionally at signings. And I will realize I was arrogant, and missed a chance to make that book better. My tastes in reading lately have been way more realistic, because most experimental stuff is hellaciously unfun to read.

Because ideas are primary? And then the writing goes bad? I feel like I am as a reader like a small child, and adults are having a conversation over my head; that this is really a book being written for other writers, theorists, and critics.

And that was also of course really scary. I think that a lot of it deserves to be. Same with a lot of poetry. I agree. Lorrie Moore works for readers, not just writers. I disagree. You agree? Yeah, but life now is completely different than the way it was then. Does your life approach anything like a linear narrative? Some of it has to do with TV and fiction. You watch many videos? MTV videos? A lot of shit that looks incongruous but ends up having kind of a dream association with each other.

Um, you flew here. You drove down. You come, you talk to me. You and I have our little conversation. Then you and I go to the class. And that so much of my job is to impose some sort of order, or make some sort of sense of it. Sitting down in his silent room, overlooking some very well-tended gardens, pulling out his quill, and … in deep tranquility, recollecting emotion. I read it as a relief from the fact that, I received five hundred thousand discrete bits of information today, of which maybe twenty-five are important.

And how am I going to sort those out, you know? And yet you made a linear narrative, easily, out of both our days, just now. Off the top of your head. You, if this is an argument, you will win. This is an argument you will win. Well you and I just disagree.

Maybe the world just feels differently to us. So that the reader feels less lonely. As the texture, as the cognitive texture, of our lives changes. And as, um, as the different media by which our lives are represented change.

Instead of being a relief from what it feels like to live. That I think a lot of people feel—not overwhelmed by the amount of stuff they have to do. But overwhelmed by the number of choices they have, and by the number of discrete, different things that come at them. But I sorta think so. At least in some—in terms of the way it feels on your nerve endings. Where the bigger the system gets, the more interference there is, and all that.

And how formal and structural stuff in avant-garde things I think can vibrate, can represent on a page, what it feels like to be alive right now. You were getting this across in the book? The scary thing about doing it was, structuring it that way puts a lot of demands on the reader. Is there gonna be a payoff?

Is the reader gonna throw the book at the wall?

You can put the pieces together. Which I would think you would find annoying. And I always think that, until the person comes, and then I always like the person, I want to impress them, and then I sort of try to articulate to them. Does that make any sense to you? And that if the writer does his job right, what he basically does is remind the reader of how smart the reader is.

Which not everybody has the luxury to do. But I gotta tell you, I just think to look across the room and automatically assume that somebody else is less aware than me, or that somehow their interior life is less rich, and complicated, and acutely perceived than mine, makes me not as good a writer.

This is the way to have Mom be proud of me, this is the way—you know what I mean? And this is a good tactic of yours, to get me a little pissed off. In person, like at these readings, I feel like my job is to be exactly as much of myself as I can be. Without looking, without making myself naked in front of people who might be mean to me.

But the faux thing: And so, the normal regular stuff is real precious to me. Look, look! I am normal. All his books piled up together … Call to Rolling Stone, while David in the shower: He sort of likes that sort of thing.

He would be more than forthcoming with a little bit of massaging to give you whatever you needed. Tread lightly. You read it—once you prop the thing open at all—because you understand the author is brilliant. The people who seem to adore the press the way, say, Pooh loves a honey jar, look foolish; but the people who seem to hate it also risk foolishness too, because the reader knows how good press must feel, like having the prettiest girl in school drop you a smile.

Like having the whole country rub against your toes and twist between your ankles. Midwest more homophobic …? They all live on the west side of town, next to the Purina plant, in housing projects. Educated Republicans: Guys that stand there like this. You know what this is? A lot of railroad money before. Enormous tax base. Really rich. A weird kind of Mafia-ish thing. State Farm is the Irish gang boss. Albert Finney chasing guys with a Tommy gun: At a certain point, we have to go back and find out when our flight is.

Can you tell me a little about your background? I grew up—I was born in Ithaca, New York, My father was in grad school at Cornell. Moved to Urbana—which is twin cities with Champaign—in Lived there.

Went to elementary, junior high, and high school there. And sort of did the peripatetic writer. Published first book first year of Arizona?

How did that work? No—because I was still rewriting it part of the first semester.

It got bought that first year. They were gonna kick me out … Muses, smiles Yeah. They just thought I was crazy. They are a highly, incredibly hard-ass realist school. I was doing very abstract stuff back then, most of which was really bad.

They tout you now? They invite him back a lot, throw publication parties for his books at the U of A. I think I was kind of a prick. I was just unteachable. I go back every once in a while because my sister lives in Tucson. Like geographically. The warmth and the—oh, have you ever been there? Because a lot of grad students just end up teaching part-time at the U of A and living there for like ten, twenty years.

Your folks are university people? My father teaches in the philosophy department at the U of Illinois. He mostly teaches in the medical school now. And then he got into bioethics. Which is different from a JC. David stares. The idea is you eat eggs, which are kind of a latent form, as your body itself is awakening. It makes a lot of sense. I guess following life cycle stuff too: Birth to death. And then you eat basically partial—and by the end you eat basically partially decomposed creatures, so … Environment in house?

Lots of reading? My parents—I have all these weird early memories. Um, so they were—but I think by the end, Amy was exempted. Humoring him? But I remember, I remember because there was some sort of deal about Amy, Amy got exempted from it, and was I gonna be exempted or not? Remember a lot of it? I remember being hellaciously bored. And I remember picking the lint out of my navel with a pen, while Dad was doing it, and Dad saying that was the equivalent of picking your nose.

I mean, I was five. Your father does what? And they had you late? So they had you young?

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He wrote all those songs? He just kind of rode herd? My dad pitched the ad: And the fact that it competes with Coke is entirely a testament to its advertising. Airplane hangar taste, wonderful.

When read? I mean, I remember reading all the Hardy Boys books by the time I was like seven. But I also watched hellacious amounts of television. I remember really liking Tolkien. And like let me read it. Parents and TV?

They would watch at night. Like, before dinner, um, there was just this weird hour, late in the afternoon, when, you know, dinner was more or less simmering. And I for a long time, I think, thought all families were like that. When I was at school, and met—there were a lot of kids at Amherst, I met a lot of people who were fiercely smart, like great test-takers.

Encouraged to in the house, though? It was probably the same for you. Overtly, no. It was just what you did. I remember I liked to more than Amy did. I remember Amy liked to draw and play with things, and partially play with the phones. And I would much prefer being by myself with a book. David and Amy are different. Although of course you end up becoming yourself. Did they want you to be a writer or no? Oh no, I was gonna be—the big thing I was when I was little was a really serious jock.

You know, I played like citywide football as a little kid, I was really big and strong as a little kid.

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And then for four or five years, I was seriously gonna be a pro tennis player. And it was like my great dream. Reading was this kind of fun, weird thing that I did on the side. I mean, I had no artistic ambition. The original was about math. He made it this really neat essay about failure. Pee-Wee—Pop Warner? But I was really good.

I mean, when I was a little kid I was really good. And then I got to junior high, and there were like two other guys in the city who were better quarterbacks than I was. That was a huge disappointment. And then I discovered tennis when I was twelve, and then I got totally addicted to that.

But too late for pro? It turned out later I think that I started too late. I mean, I could have been, I think, a good college player if I started earlier. Did hanging around Joyce confirm your guesses about tennis? And which one. And why it results in such execrable writing. When you were at Brown, did you study with Hawkes? Sometimes there, sometimes on leave. Flight —Passengers of American Eagle Flight , service to Chicago, sorry to inform you that at this time we still have not received any promising news with regard to the runway conditions here at Bloomington.

Again, this is an indefinite delay. We have no anticipated departure for this aircraft at this time. Good thing we can smoke a lot of cigarettes at this place. How serious was the tennis? And I was good enough at least to get to play in sectionals. And then I would bumble through the first couple of rounds, against other schmoes like me, and then I would run into a seed.

And those were kids usually who were from suburbs of Chicago, or the good suburbs of St. Louis, or Grosse Pointe, Michigan. And that was all just a joke. They would beat us 0 and 6, 1 and 6.

They were playing a totally different game. And I know that I always since I started writing wanted to do a story where I sort of got to project myself into the heads of kids like that. And the kids in the Academy are even a level above them. I know that sounds arrogant. Much more confident talking about his semigood tennis than his extraordinarily fine prose. The ones who become really great players a start really young, b get lucky enough to be put into great coaching tracks, and c are phenomenally talented athletes.

And this is part of what the tennis essay is about, and I really sort of felt betrayed by my body. There was a lot more stuff about these various guys and their relation to tennis. I mean, there were a number of drafts. But no. Orin had your football thing too; I loved the little thing about them having to actually fly into the stadium as the Cardinals … Michael really wanted that taken out, and I sorta loved it, and it was only a page and a half.

You know, I wanted it set in just enough so our kids would be in adolescence.

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His having no idea this is coming. So when you say a late puberty—sixteen, fourteen? So I was basically playing with the body of a boy until I was seventeen years old.

Laughs So I was, like—you know, I was still going to tournaments. What about other kinds of books? Because modern platforms need to be based on Web technologies, and the most widely used specification for how to manage publication content based on the Open Web Platform is EPUB.

More on that in another blog.

And they have created an easy-to-use authoring platform, VitalSource Content Studio, that enables not only publishers, but even classroom teachers to create rich, multimedia, interactive EPUBs, without knowing any code. Very cool. This all still sounds like books, though, right? The biggest revelation to me was how much EPUB is being used for non-book content. One thing that has bugged me is that because scholarly journals realized the benefits of digital publishing so early one of the many ways scholarly publishers have been ahead of the rest of publishing , they basically got stuck in PDF.

Nothing required on the part of the publisher other than checking the box saying they want EPUB as a deliverable. This will be huge.I always will. Had Chloe been watching us all the while? This conference will be a forum for people working with children and youth with visual impairments or blindness, for academics in various research areas, commercial companies, developers, and contractors.

Tablets —devices with more than a reading purpose. Most bigger retailers offer download of their apps on their sites so that's the first logical step.

You can search for them and download the ones you want to your tablet, smartphone, or computer. The most attractive are not those who allow us to kiss them at once we soon feel ungrateful or those who never allow us to kiss them we soon forget them , but those who know how carefully to administer varied doses of hope and despair.

What is a. Whereas I loved to watch soapy water running over her stomach and legs in the shower, whenever she looked at herself in the mirror she would invariably declare that something was 'lopsided' — though quite what I never discovered.

ELNA from Arizona
See my other posts. I'm keen on indoor enduro. I love reading novels zestily.