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FASCINATING WOMANHOOD HELEN ANDELIN PDF

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truths of Fascinating Womanhood to so many women. Dedicated also to PDF format only . extracts from hundreds of letters in the files of Helen Andelin. How to Make Your Marriage a Lifelong Love Affair What makes a woman fascinating to her husband? What is happiness in marriage for a woman? These are. Editorial Reviews. From the Inside Flap. How to Make Your Marriage a Lifelong Love Affair Helen Andelin is the founder of the Fascinating Womanhood movement and is also the author of The Fascinating Girl. She lives in Phoenix, Arizona.


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Fascinating womanhood by Helen B. Andelin, , Pacific Press Santa Barbara edition, in English. Read online or Download Fascinating Womanhood (Full PDF ebook with essay, research These are just two of the questions Helen B. Andelin answers in the. Primary Document. Fascinating. Womanhood. By Helen Andelin (). Derived from a set of booklets published in the s and s, the book seeks to.

Reflect on a past event in your marriage and think how differently you would have behaved if you had understood your husband better. What could you have said that conveyed acceptance, appreciation and admiration? How could you have made him your number one? Do you think your husband would have more positive feelings for you in the first or second scenario?

Do you think you would have more positive feelings for yourself and your husband in the first or second scenario? Chapters were concerned the wifes attitude towards her husbands qualities, while chapters are more concerned with her attitude towards their marriage and respecting his role. In most happy marriages the husband has to feel needed and appreciated as the family leader, protector and provider.

The wife meanwhile is needed to be the wife, mother and homemaker. This does not exclude her from the world of work or education. It is possible for a career woman to make her husband feel needed and appreciated as the man in her life and to keep her priority their marriage and home.

Chapter 7 Read Chapter 7 of Fascinating Womanhood and answer these questions: What are the three roles identified in this chapter as ones a man needs to fulfil to be satisfied? How can you and your family help your husband function in these roles? How can you and your family help him feel needed in these roles? How can you and your family help him excel in these roles?

Exercises Learn the womans roles identified in Chapter 7 and work at excelling in all three roles over the next week. Express gratitude when your husband acts as the leader, protector or provider of the family over the next week. The following sentences are good examples of what you could say: Thank-you so much I dont know how Id manage without you I couldnt have done that alone! Its such a comfort to have you here to help me I am glad I followed your advice I have a problem, will you help me?

We need you so much! Try sending your husband a text telling him how you appreciate the things he provides you with, advice he has given you or protection he has offered you.

Try writing a love note for him and leave it in his wallet. Highlight one example where he has fulfilled one of the masculine roles and say you are impressed. Chapter 8 There are four possible ways a family can be ruled.

Most people can see straight out that options 3 and 4 will result in chaos. Any problem where the couple disagree will remain unsolved until one of them agrees to surrender to the other or a compromise can be agreed. Is it realistic to hammer each and every problem out or will it create friction whenever decision has to be made? One person must be the driving force and head of the family.

Why should this fall on the mans shoulders and not the womans? Write three reasons down. If a man feels that he is respected as the leader of the family he will normally seek the advice of his wife and give her control over many decisions. Just as the captain of a ship will delegate to his officers when he trusts them, while he is unlikely to delegate if living in fear of mutiny and rebellion.

Helen Andelin identifies five common mistakes women make which indicate they do not respect their husbands ability as the leader what are they? Think carefully and underline any of these mistakes that you are prone to making. What eight traits does a wife need if she is going to be a perfect follower? Please note that while Fascinating Womanhood does prescribe families follow a patriarchal model, allowances are made in this chapter for exceptions.

Where a husband is leading his family into corruption, or if the wife has a keen feeling about an important issue she should make a stand. We all have responsibility towards ourselves, family and community which cannot be shirked by hiding behind the banner of blind obedience at all costs. The act of obedience doesnt negate the possibility of a wife expressing her wishes or feelings. It is still possible to discuss issues while being respectful to his masculine roles.

What should be avoided is demanding your husband constantly give you your way, regardless of his feelings. How does one give feminine advice? Exercises Work on obeying your husband, especially over small matters for the next week. Let him decide how you spend your leisure time for example. If you are in the habit of letting your husband lead already then great! Well done! Make an effort to listen to your husband and only advise him in a feminine way.

If this practise is new to you then implement it gradually, master each point in turn until it becomes second nature. Read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, which describes in detail the negative consequences of the wife running the family and controlling the marriage.

Fascinating Womanhood

Chapter 9 Read chapter 9 of Fascinating Womanhood. Masculine men want to feel they are protecting their families from dangers, strenuous work and difficulties, they want to feel needed and superior in these roles. When men feel unneeded or unwanted by their wives in these roles they will often run to the aid of other distressed individuals.

It may seem ridiculous to modern women, but men have a very real instinct to protect. Do you give invincible vibes? The following statements are examples of thinking that prevents women turning to their husbands for protection. I dont need protecting from any dangers. My husband wont do his jobs so I must. I will feel ridiculous playing the helpless woman. Why should I ask for his help when I dont really need it?

I can lift and carry just fine. I have always stood up for myself in the past, why change? I can assert myself just fine without any assistance! I can handle difficulties better than he can. I will just get on with it by myself. When the going gets tough, watch me get going! I dont want to be a nuisance, I am able to manage.

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My husband doesnt want a dependent, helpless damsel he wants a strong capable wife. This doesnt come naturally for me, I just cant ask for help It feels like Im being manipulative.

Ive always hated that kind of useless woman. Its easier to just get on with things straight away. I am NOT playing the victim to be rescued by him, its unhealthy. Are there any of the above that you relate to? Write any invincible thoughts of your own. If you struggle to inspire your husbands protective instincts, the solution may lie in being more feminine.

This is a gradual process, it will take time to shed strong traits and replace them with vulnerable ones and still more time for your husband to really step in as your protector.

It is no use saying the rat terrified me as I beat it to death with the rolling pin or seeking your husbands help once and giving up on vulnerability when he doesnt instantly rush to your aid. Stay vulnerable until there is no doubt in his mind you need his protection. At the same time remove doubt from your own mind, it is a huge relief having a man to lean on and turn to and he will enjoy the honour.

The person most worthy of a mans protective instincts is his wife. Exercises Over the next week seek your husbands protection from something you would have previously handled independently.

For example, ask him to do a manual chore because it is hard for you, express your fears when facing a difficulty or seek his advice when dealing with a problem. Then express admiration and gratitude for his assistance. While Babbie is independent, intelligent and wild she also shows vulnerability.

At one time when her elderly friend Nanny insults her gypsy blood, the minister offers his support after seeing her tears. At other times she calls for his help saying she is afraid, to which he responds by protecting her and later risking his life and livelihood to save her. While the minister loves Babbie for her charm and personality, she inspires his protective instincts as well. Chapter 10 Read chapter 10 of Fascinating Womanhood then write down the answers to the following questions.

What does a man have to provide for his wife? What is it unreasonable for a wife to demand her husband provide? How can a wife help her husband provide for the family, without going to work herself? How can you encourage and support your husband in his efforts to provide for your family? In modern times women frequently are the main or highest earners in the family. This does not mean a husband has to feel emasculated or unfulfilled as the provider for the family, it does mean that the wife will have to approach the family finances with diplomacy.

Helen Andelin mentions in chapter 3 that the wife can support the family if the arrangement is temporary her husband is looking for work, sick, unable to work, re-training, cant earn enough to pay for their living expenses or is setting up a new business etc. What is not fine is an able bodied man permanently refusing to contribute anything to the family finances.

If the wife is the higher earner it is still acceptable for her to expect her husband to pay for the accommodation and running costs of the household. If this is the route she plans to follow then she must be totally content with the standard of living he can afford.

It does mean that he is excelling at providing because his money is paying for the essentials. Many women prefer to have a higher standard of living than their husband can afford alone. If this is the case then her income is used to supplement his. She must still treat him with the honour and respect due to the family provider and make it clear that his money is essential, she cannot resent her contribution because its her choice to contribute.

If the wife prefers not to contribute anything to the family finances, then I suggest she devises a long term plan for her money.

She shouldnt walk through the house in a fur coat while her husband sobs over the latest electricity bill! Instead it would seem sensible to say the money is being invested for future needs in a way that makes it inaccessible for the time being. If a man is to excel at providing for his family, his career has to come first. If a man has a specialised career or is offered a job which demands he lives in a certain location, the whole family should move there even at the expense of the wifes career or desire to remain with her family and friends.

Exercises If you have been demanding your husband provide you with luxuries he can only afford with great effort and by working extra hours stop. Accept the standard of living he can give you by working reasonable hours, those typical for a man of his age, qualifications and experience. Express your appreciation for the things your husband does provide you with, including the time he spends with you.

Fascinating Womanhood Study Guide

Ask yourself honestly if you are helping your husband to provide for you, it is a huge task to support a family and he deserves your help even if you have to make some sacrifices. Give him the help he needs to be the provider. If you are working for money and are unhappy or stressed, see if there is a way you can reduce your hours, change jobs or even quit. Tell your husband honestly if you are finding the burden of work too great and ask him to find a way of easing things for you.

Chapter 11 Read Chapter 11 of Fascinating Womanhood. I have to admit that there are some cases I have known where the man is unable to manage the family finances. If your husband, for whatever reason, has repeatedly proven himself irresponsible and you cannot endure the hardship of relying on him to manage the family finances and such a decision would seem foolish to a neutral, intelligent, trustworthy person then do not risk losing everything.

On the other hand there are many men who are reliable, trustworthy and fully able to manage the family finances independently yet they dont. This may be due to habit, because the wife wants to run the money or because the husband doesnt. If you are struggling with the burden of handling the finances or you argue because of his spending or your budgeting or vice versa then it is time to let your husband know you cant handle the family finances anymore and to turn your back on them.

He may make mistakes or do things differently from you, but do not rush in to rescue him. Exercises Read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, she describes how she calculates a monthly budget for her living expenses and for running the house. She also discusses the advantages she witnessed after putting her husband in charge of the finances. If you are willing and able to hand over the finances, keep a record of all the money you spend on yourself and running the household over the next month.

Use this as a basis for the budget you ask your husband to give you be generous with yourself and reasonable with your money at the same time. This is neither an exercise in stinginess nor in extravagance. Chapter 12 Read chapter 12 of Fascinating Womanhood. Deep down all men want to feel they are respected as men. To be truly treasured as a wife it is important to understand that boosting his confidence in his masculinity will protect him from self doubt and hurt, generally improving your relationship immeasurably.

If it seems that there is some repetition between this chapter and the previous ones then you are correct. Once you are accepting, admiring and appreciating your husband and making him feel needed and competent at fulfilling the masculine roles you will not be wounding his sensitive masculine pride. Understanding masculine pride is a step towards understanding men.

Write down the answers to the following questions: What six masculine qualities do men tend to take pride in? What masculine traits do you think your husband takes pride in?

How can you build his confidence in his masculinity? Sometimes a man will feel so wounded because of his masculine pride being insulted that he will withdraw emotionally from his wife.

Helen Andelin calls this reserve and lists six behaviours a wife can exhibit to break down the wall of reserve. What are the behaviours? Exercises Honestly assess if you have been guilty of injuring your husbands self esteem in the areas he is most vulnerable in the ones relating to masculine pride.

If you have always respected his masculinity consider other influences in his life where his esteem may have been battered through his family, through your family, through friends, in work or in the community. Could this have affected his behaviour in the past or is it affecting it now? Change your behaviour if you can see you have damaged his self esteem and contributed to any reserve he has.

If your husband has a reserve because of outside influences, you can help him build his self esteem with positive comments, physical demonstrations of admiration squeeze his muscles, look admiringly at him etc. If he comes home to a supportive and admiring woman he will be more able to withstand the hardships of the world, think of different ways to show your support and admiration for him. Men who have been severely hurt will benefit from their wifes support, but making him happy or solving his problems are not your responsibility, they are his.

Give him space and make sure you take. Chapter 13 Read chapter 13 of Fascinating Womanhood. When I first read this chapter I thought a fascinating woman was a sort of doormat who sweetly allowed her husband to abandon and neglect her.

I needed to view sympathetic understanding in the context of the rest of the book which says a fascinating woman will assert herself when it is wise, will disagree with her husband if it is pertinent and can express her feelings and expectations in a feminine manner.

Having sympathetic understanding will give a softer edge to your communication and enables a wife to overlook many of her husbands faults and blunders, it is a great asset. Once you really understand the world your husband has come from and is living in you will be able to find excuses for him, you will be better able to forgive him, less inclined to make unreasonable demands on him and you will be one step closer to becoming his soul mate and succour.

It will make falling in love with him easier. Here are some examples of behaviours which typically irritate women, but which become less irksome if viewed with sympathetic understanding: Possible excuses for the above could be: If you can think of any areas of your husbands behaviour which upset you, write them down.

Can you think of any excuses for the behaviour you have written about? Make a note of them. Name three specific times that your husband will need your sympathetic understanding. How do you give true sympathy? Exercise Look for excuses for your husband over the next week. Write down the answers to the following questions. What is Pandoras Box? Why do men keep their feelings to themselves if they are being hurt? How should a wife behave if her husband if her husband starts to empty his Pandoras Box?

Bait is very different from Pandoras Box, but I have included it here as it is a common phenomena women encounter when they start to change. Essentially, there will be some aspects of the old marriage which your husband may be unwilling to release, even though he should be happier once he assumes traditional male roles. In order to push you back into the old patterns, he may refuse to accept responsibilities as you relinquish them, he may do a terrible job, or he may suggest such wild solutions to problems that you feel pressured to pick up the pieces.

Supposing a wife has been doing manual chores such as mowing the lawn but she decides to stop and use the time differently, she tells her husband directly that the mower is too heavy and she is trying to be more feminine - the garden is now his job. Her husband may just accept this, or he may bait her by refusing to mow the lawn. As she watches the garden turn into a meadow the temptation to rev up the mower and sort it all out gets stronger and stronger, so does the temptation to order her husband to cut the grass.

When she says she wants the garden to be tidier he suggests they buy a goat to do the job. The best solution for bait is to wash your hands of the whole affair and eventually your husband should realise you are serious and he has to take responsibility for being the man. Clearly long grass isnt especially strong bait and sometimes the bait is very strong having your electricity cut off as your husband refuses to pay bills for example.

In such a case I advise you seek qualified advice tailored to your individual circumstances. Chapter 14 marks the end of the Understanding Men section of Fascinating Womanhood. It is the largest section of the first part of the book. Many other marriage books especially faith based ones are devoted to explaining the differences between men and women and they consistently agree with Helen Andelins conclusions; men want to feel accepted, respected, understood and admired. A good man will thrive if he is able to excel in the traditional masculine roles and he will love the woman who allows him to do so.

Men rarely want their wives to solve their problems, point out their failings or control them rather they respond to advice given in a feminine way with sympathetic understanding. Husbands do not want to be treated as another friend in their wifes life, they want to feel needed as men; that their leadership, protection and support are essential rather than taken for granted, tolerated or scorned.

It is not enough to keep these understandings in your heart, you have to communicate them. He explains that there are five main ways love is given or received acts of service, the spoken word, physical touch, gifts or quality time. If your husband is a physical touch person then saying you are impressed with his strength while you massage his muscles is going to work wonders.

On the other hand, if he is a gift man then leaving a note in his lunch box with a message of admiration on it will hit the target. This is not to say a note will leave a physical touch person totally cold and it is certainly an idea to send messages of admiration in all manners, but some will be more effective in your marriage than others. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

Chapter 15 Read chapter 15 of Fascinating Womanhood. Happiness is defined in the Concise Penguin Dictionary as 1a enjoying or expressing pleasure and contentment. In the book Its the Thought that Counts by Dr David Hamilton he compares the fact a room full of pendulums will all swing at the same rate if left for a length of time with the phenomena of one persons mood affecting the moods of those around them.

I know that when I am happy my whole family and house feels happy, when I am stressed there are more rows and more tension everyone seems to follow my mood.

Is it any surprise that an internally happy person will attract the love of others, including their spouse?

An internally happy person is normally happy, regardless of external conditions. That is not to say they will never feel irritated, stressed, angry, depressed, anxious or upset these are normal and human feelings. But faced with the routine ups and downs of life an internally happy person will look on the bright side, find the good in things and make the most of their situation. If your happiness depends on the behaviour of others or material possessions, then you are burdening others with the responsibility of making you happy which often leads to mutual resentment and disappointment.

Helen Andelin lists seven ways she believed inner happiness could be attained, write them down in your exercise book. If you know you are not internally happy and you realise it is because any of the points listed above, read the following list and highlight what you think may be contributing to your unhappiness: Your housework is neglected.

You rarely cook good food, relying on processed food or take-away. You consistently fail to meet the basic needs of your children and have a poor relationship with them.

You are overly focussed on the faults of others. You are overly focussed on things you are lacking. You are overly focussed on the difficulties in your life. You are a doormat. You are overly sensitive to criticism and hold grudges or resent other people. You concentrate only on your own problems. You are selfish or self centred. You have no self control or will power.

You are unkind in thought or deed. You are addicted to anything. You are too critical of oneself and unforgiving of ones mistakes. You are too critical of others and unforgiving of their mistakes. You habitually gossip, back-bite, slander or worsen relations between others. You are stuck in a rut, never doing anything creative or broadening your horizons.

You are unappreciative of the blessings you have. You are slothful in religious duties or your spiritual development. I firmly believe that inner happiness depends on more than the areas described in this chapter.

Emotional and mental health are greatly affected by lifestyle including diet, exercise, social life and work personal history and present circumstances. If you are unhappy because of recent and exceptional circumstances then do not try to suppress your negative feelings; allow yourself the space and time to release them and heal seek help from friends, family or a professional if necessary.

If you are chronically unhappy then it is possible to change either your life or yourself. Investigate the many techniques available to develop an upbeat and happy attitude and find what works for you. Exercises If you can recognise the source of your unhappiness in chapter 15 of Fascinating Womanhood then take one baby step to change one area of your life this week. You know yourself and your life, so probably know already what you can do to help yourself improve. If your issues are more deep or complex than those mentioned by Helen Andelin, then seek help; ask other people who have overcome similar problems how they did so, or get help from a qualified preferably recommended therapist.

For some people the best person to see is a doctor. Chapter 16 Read chapter 16 of Fascinating Womanhood.

The high character described in this chapter, which should inspire a mixture of love and admiration in a decent man, is the ideal woman described by all the main religions of the world. We should want to emulate these women, not just to win the respect and adoration of our husbands, but because they are the examples given for women to follow.

Working at attaining a noble character is a worthy goal for every human on the planet, the rewards of which extend well beyond the feelings your husband may have for you.

Helen Andelin lists ten character traits a woman must have if her husband is to have a high regard for her. What strengths do you have and where are your weaknesses? What are the seven flaws Helen Andelin identifies as ones morally decent women are commonly afflicted by? To overcome any of the negative habits named in the above box it is essential to honestly admit you are at fault and take steps to change.

Exercises Honestly assess your character, look at your strengths and weaknesses. Choose one weakness and work consistently on converting it to a strength. This may take time but the rewards are great and are worth the effort. Study the life of a female role model from a major world religion.

Write down as many of her character traits that you can and what you can learn from her life and behaviour. Consider how you can emulate her.

You are looking for signs of her character and nature rather than specific mannerisms was she loyal, morally upright, chaste, honest, learned, sympathetic or charitable for example? Did she have noble traits for the sake of her husband or did she have them regardless of him? If she was put under pressure to forgo her good character how did she react?

Housework may be a major source of discord in a marriage. There are two circumstances which commonly leads to tension over housework.

A solution is for the wife to assume ownership of the housekeeping, to be committed to running the house and to be organised. If her husband voluntarily helps in the house then accept his assistance gratefully provided he is helping not supervising. Do not ask him for help unless you are unable to do something and do not order him to help. Be happy to run the household, take pride in it and find satisfaction in the fruits of your labour. As a wise friend of mine once said housework is not difficult, its just constant!

The aim of a fascinating woman is to run a pleasant household she shouldnt be obsessively tidying and cleaning, nor should she be filthy and slovenly. A well organised and structured method, such as the one outlined in the book Sink Reflections is an ideal basis for a happy household.

It is acceptable, even recommended, to hire help if and when it is needed or to invest in conveniences such as tumble dryers and dish washers. Answer the following questions about yourself: Are the floors in your house clean? Are the cupboards neat and tidy? Does the bathroom sparkle or is it dirty? Are the kitchen worktops clear and clean or dirty? Are the bins emptied when necessary? Are the bed sheets clean and do they smell fresh? Do your windows and mirrors sparkle or are they dirty?

Do you clear cobwebs and dust regularly? Cooking Do you pre-plan healthy meals or heat ready meals at the last minute? Do you cook from scratch normally?

Do you make meals look attractive? Read chapter 3 of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman, reflect on how the four horsemen of the apocalypse contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling may have entered your marriage if you have tried to change your husband.

Chapter 4 Read Chapter 4 of Fascinating Womanhood. Newlyweds usually appreciate their spouses and marriage more than marriage veterans. Logically our level of appreciation should increase with time.

Why does it feel so good to have bills paid in the first year but not in the tenth year? Why do women relish having a dependable man in the beginning, but grow bored later? Why do we find our spouse attractive on our honeymoon but hardly notice them after children are born?

Just as polishing tarnished silver makes it bright so appreciation brings shine to marriage. Write down what you should appreciate about your husbands character, but have a tendency to forget. Write down what you should appreciate about your husbands intelligence, but are inclined to overlook. Write down what you should appreciate about the ways your husband helps you, but which you ignore.

If you are unable to think of anything to appreciate in him today, cast your mind back to happier days and make notes from those. If there havent been any happy times in your entire marriage then remember why you married him in the first place, what attracted you to him?

Consider for a moment what faults your husband has, then look deeper to find any asset which explains the fault. For example, an untidy husband may be occupied with weightier matters than aligning his shoes on the shelf. A critical man may have high standards for himself as well as others, high standards are not a fault they are a virtue. An excessively anxious man may be concerned with protecting his family and caring for them, virtuous feelings expressed in the wrong way.

A visionary may become moody and discouraged when his dreams are not realised, the moodiness is a fault but being a visionary is not. Write down two faults your husband has. Now write down any virtues that may be at their root. Be wary of allowing a few flaws in your husband to overshadow all the good in him. Barrie, hang it on the wall as a reminder to look at your husbands best side.

Remember that when the book was written the word lover meant someone who loves, it did not have the adulterous connotations it has today. Love, it is said, is blind, but love is not blind. It is an extra eye, which shows us what is the most worthy of regard. To see the best is to see most clearly, and it is the lovers privilege. Next look at the qualities in your husband you wrote as ones you should appreciate. Choose one point from each list and let your husband know that you appreciate him for it.

You may find it hard, but dont give up you can text him, write him notes, email him, draw pictures, write cards with your children. This is not for him, but for you once the third eye of love is open, you both benefit. Chapter 5 Read chapter 5 of Fascinating Womanhood. I have heard it said that women want love and men want respect. If love and respect are replaced with more intense words it would read that women want to be adored and men admired. Many women feel shy to admire their husbands masculinity yet they expected men to love and adore their own femininity.

Write down your husbands masculine physical features. Write down how your husbands skills and abilities are masculine. Write down your husbands masculine achievements. Write down your husbands masculine goals and dreams. Write down how your husbands character is masculine.

Write down how your husband fulfils the masculine roles in your home. Look at each list you have written and circle which masculine qualities in your husband you sincerely admire. This is a very personal exercise, you are not comparing your husband to other men or some fictitious ideal man, but thinking about what you find attractive and masculine about him. You will let him know you have seen his assets and admire them, that you know him, respect him and are proud of him.

You cannot do any of this until you accept your husband at face value and appreciate his best side. Exercise It is not enough to write and think about how you admire your husband you need to let him know.

Over the next week express admiration for your husband. Helen Andelin suggests you write a list for him and read it out. Other ideas include making a scrap book showing proof of his admirable qualities and showing him, making posters or certificates and hanging them up certificate for the tall muscle bound man who mowed the lawn youre the best , decorating cakes with your admiration drawn on them.

Text him to say thanks when he does something he used his masculine gifts for thanks for fixing the fence handsome, you did a great job! Or you could just tell him I admire your determination to I am so proud of you for You have a real talent for I really respect the way you Whatever you think, youre the expert Thanks for being such a hands on dad, I cant show the kids how a real man behaves, thats your job I have known fascinating women who dont use words but will squeeze their husbands muscles and give a cheeky wink.

This does not come easily to many women, we are afraid of exposing ourselves to ridicule or being seen as too forward. Use your sense and find a way of expressing your admiration in a way that pleases your husband and enhances your marriage. Do not worry if saying these things doesnt come spontaneously to you, plan what you are going to say and do and rehearse in private. The alternative is to make your husband live out his days without your admiration, is that what you want?

Please note that you must be sincere and specific in your admiration. If your husband challenges you by saying these muscles arent big, you should see the guys at work then you need to let him know that YOU think his muscles are big and that YOU love the way his body looks. Chapter 6 Read chapter 6 of Fascinating Womanhood. Write down six things that women commonly put before their husbands.

Underline any that you have put before your husband. Think carefully and asses if he could feel that you have put any of the above before him.

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Underline these as well. Exercise Find a way of giving your husband the gift of your time, effort and attention wholeheartedly once in the next week. Perhaps you could give him a massage, prepare his favourite meal and eat it together or ask him on a date hell enjoy. If you are a housewife then choose one evening this week to help your husband feel he is your priority. Could you do this exercise on his day off? Would he like breakfast in bed one morning?

Whatever you decide the following rules are good to follow: Prepare the house; it should be clean, tidy and peaceful run the washing machine another time.

Have a nice meal ready for him the smell of home cooked food is a treat in itself. Prepare yourself; you should convey a sense of calm and happiness. Make sure your clothes look pretty, your hair is in a feminine style, put makeup and perfume on. Make sure all your chores have been done in advance and that you are relaxed. Prepare your children; they and their clothes are clean should be clean.

It is a good idea to feed very small children beforehand so they are in a good temper and you can eat in peace. If it is late then make sure they are ready for bed or even in it so you can spend time with him not on them. When he walks in go to greet him with a smile, while giving him space to relax.

Ask how he is, offer him a drink, say the food is ready and offer him the option of eating now or later. Its nice for the kids to show their pleasure at having him home and he may want to be with them, but if he indicates he needs a break then give them something to do elsewhere.

Be understanding; if he wants to relax by watching TV for a while or if he needs some peace and quiet then cheerfully give him space. When he is ready, sit with him and ask how his day was, show an interest in his work and other things going on in his life. Listen to him, encouraging him to tell you about his life. There is a time for you to talk about your concerns, but it is for later after he has unwound and knows you are interested in him.

Understanding your husband Chapters of Fascinating Womanhood are concerned with understanding ones husband and teaching the best ways to express that understanding acceptance, appreciation, admiration and making him your number 1.

You do not need to start surrendering your brains, living a defeated life, faking your feelings, breaking yourself to accept the unacceptable, lying to yourself or pretending he is perfect. It is about finding the best in the man you are tied to by marriage, it is letting him know you see the good in him and are impressed. At this point it may be helpful for you to reflect on the following story. Once I asked my husband to take our family to a local beauty spot in summer, there is a river with a little beach which our children enjoy playing on and when we arrived I wanted to go there.

My husband pulled a face and refused. Because bikini clad women were playing in the water. I was irritated I wanted to take the kids to play, it was hot and so unfair to make us walk around when there was a cool river.

I put my own desire to make our children happy before my husband. We did go for the walk as he wanted, but I did it with a reluctant, resentful spirit. Without a doubt my husband and children picked up on that.

Now I would make him my number one. Firstly I would accept him at face value rather than trying to change him he didnt want to go to the beach, he wanted to go for a walk. Fair enough. Secondly I would look for something to appreciate he had taken us all out for a family trip.

Thirdly I would look for something to admire he didnt feel comfortable on the beach because he has high moral character. If we ever find ourselves in a similar scenario I would say Gosh, I didnt even think! Men are so different from women! Im so glad to be married to a decent man with strong morals.

A walk would be lovely, Im so happy you brought us today. How differently my husband and children would feel about the trip and each other if I had looked at the good and put him first. Reflect on a past event in your marriage and think how differently you would have behaved if you had understood your husband better. What could you have said that conveyed acceptance, appreciation and admiration?

How could you have made him your number one? Do you think your husband would have more positive feelings for you in the first or second scenario? Do you think you would have more positive feelings for yourself and your husband in the first or second scenario?

Chapters were concerned the wifes attitude towards her husbands qualities, while chapters are more concerned with her attitude towards their marriage and respecting his role. In most happy marriages the husband has to feel needed and appreciated as the family leader, protector and provider.

The wife meanwhile is needed to be the wife, mother and homemaker. This does not exclude her from the world of work or education. It is possible for a career woman to make her husband feel needed and appreciated as the man in her life and to keep her priority their marriage and home. Chapter 7 Read Chapter 7 of Fascinating Womanhood and answer these questions: What are the three roles identified in this chapter as ones a man needs to fulfil to be satisfied?

How can you and your family help your husband function in these roles? How can you and your family help him feel needed in these roles? How can you and your family help him excel in these roles? Exercises Learn the womans roles identified in Chapter 7 and work at excelling in all three roles over the next week. Express gratitude when your husband acts as the leader, protector or provider of the family over the next week. The following sentences are good examples of what you could say: Thank-you so much I dont know how Id manage without you I couldnt have done that alone!

Its such a comfort to have you here to help me I am glad I followed your advice I have a problem, will you help me? We need you so much! Try sending your husband a text telling him how you appreciate the things he provides you with, advice he has given you or protection he has offered you. Try writing a love note for him and leave it in his wallet. Highlight one example where he has fulfilled one of the masculine roles and say you are impressed. Update your blog or journal. Chapter 8 There are four possible ways a family can be ruled.

Most people can see straight out that options 3 and 4 will result in chaos. Any problem where the couple disagree will remain unsolved until one of them agrees to surrender to the other or a compromise can be agreed. Is it realistic to hammer each and every problem out or will it create friction whenever decision has to be made? One person must be the driving force and head of the family.

Why should this fall on the mans shoulders and not the womans? Write three reasons down. If a man feels that he is respected as the leader of the family he will normally seek the advice of his wife and give her control over many decisions.

Just as the captain of a ship will delegate to his officers when he trusts them, while he is unlikely to delegate if living in fear of mutiny and rebellion. Helen Andelin identifies five common mistakes women make which indicate they do not respect their husbands ability as the leader what are they?

Think carefully and underline any of these mistakes that you are prone to making. What eight traits does a wife need if she is going to be a perfect follower? Please note that while Fascinating Womanhood does prescribe families follow a patriarchal model, allowances are made in this chapter for exceptions.

Where a husband is leading his family into corruption, or if the wife has a keen feeling about an important issue she should make a stand. We all have responsibility towards ourselves, family and community which cannot be shirked by hiding behind the banner of blind obedience at all costs. The act of obedience doesnt negate the possibility of a wife expressing her wishes or feelings.

It is still possible to discuss issues while being respectful to his masculine roles. What should be avoided is demanding your husband constantly give you your way, regardless of his feelings. How does one give feminine advice? Exercises Work on obeying your husband, especially over small matters for the next week. Let him decide how you spend your leisure time for example. If you are in the habit of letting your husband lead already then great!

Well done! Make an effort to listen to your husband and only advise him in a feminine way. If this practise is new to you then implement it gradually, master each point in turn until it becomes second nature. Read The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, which describes in detail the negative consequences of the wife running the family and controlling the marriage. Chapter 9 Read chapter 9 of Fascinating Womanhood.

Masculine men want to feel they are protecting their families from dangers, strenuous work and difficulties, they want to feel needed and superior in these roles.

When men feel unneeded or unwanted by their wives in these roles they will often run to the aid of other distressed individuals. It may seem ridiculous to modern women, but men have a very real instinct to protect. Do you give invincible vibes? The following statements are examples of thinking that prevents women turning to their husbands for protection.

I dont need protecting from any dangers. My husband wont do his jobs so I must. I will feel ridiculous playing the helpless woman. Why should I ask for his help when I dont really need it? I can lift and carry just fine. I have always stood up for myself in the past, why change?

I can assert myself just fine without any assistance! I can handle difficulties better than he can. I will just get on with it by myself. When the going gets tough, watch me get going! I dont want to be a nuisance, I am able to manage. My husband doesnt want a dependent, helpless damsel he wants a strong capable wife. This doesnt come naturally for me, I just cant ask for help It feels like Im being manipulative. Ive always hated that kind of useless woman. Its easier to just get on with things straight away.

Helen Andelin and the Fascinating Womanhood Movement by Julie Debra Neuffer

I am NOT playing the victim to be rescued by him, its unhealthy. Are there any of the above that you relate to?

Write any invincible thoughts of your own. If you struggle to inspire your husbands protective instincts, the solution may lie in being more feminine. This is a gradual process, it will take time to shed strong traits and replace them with vulnerable ones and still more time for your husband to really step in as your protector.

It is no use saying the rat terrified me as I beat it to death with the rolling pin or seeking your husbands help once and giving up on vulnerability when he doesnt instantly rush to your aid. Stay vulnerable until there is no doubt in his mind you need his protection.

At the same time remove doubt from your own mind, it is a huge relief having a man to lean on and turn to and he will enjoy the honour. The person most worthy of a mans protective instincts is his wife. Exercises Over the next week seek your husbands protection from something you would have previously handled independently. For example, ask him to do a manual chore because it is hard for you, express your fears when facing a difficulty or seek his advice when dealing with a problem.

Then express admiration and gratitude for his assistance. While Babbie is independent, intelligent and wild she also shows vulnerability.

At one time when her elderly friend Nanny insults her gypsy blood, the minister offers his support after seeing her tears. At other times she calls for his help saying she is afraid, to which he responds by protecting her and later risking his life and livelihood to save her.

While the minister loves Babbie for her charm and personality, she inspires his protective instincts as well.

Chapter 10 Read chapter 10 of Fascinating Womanhood then write down the answers to the following questions. What does a man have to provide for his wife? What is it unreasonable for a wife to demand her husband provide?

How can a wife help her husband provide for the family, without going to work herself? How can you encourage and support your husband in his efforts to provide for your family? In modern times women frequently are the main or highest earners in the family. This does not mean a husband has to feel emasculated or unfulfilled as the provider for the family, it does mean that the wife will have to approach the family finances with diplomacy.

Helen Andelin mentions in chapter 3 that the wife can support the family if the arrangement is temporary her husband is looking for work, sick, unable to work, re-training, cant earn enough to pay for their living expenses or is setting up a new business etc. What is not fine is an able bodied man permanently refusing to contribute anything to the family finances. If the wife is the higher earner it is still acceptable for her to expect her husband to pay for the accommodation and running costs of the household.

If this is the route she plans to follow then she must be totally content with the standard of living he can afford. It does mean that he is excelling at providing because his money is paying for the essentials. Many women prefer to have a higher standard of living than their husband can afford alone.

If this is the case then her income is used to supplement his. She must still treat him with the honour and respect due to the family provider and make it clear that his money is essential, she cannot resent her contribution because its her choice to contribute.

If the wife prefers not to contribute anything to the family finances, then I suggest she devises a long term plan for her money. She shouldnt walk through the house in a fur coat while her husband sobs over the latest electricity bill! Instead it would seem sensible to say the money is being invested for future needs in a way that makes it inaccessible for the time being. We moved back last weekend. I love it here.

Where to? That would be nice. See you then. The house was empty and quiet. Ted had obviously picked up the children OK. While she stood in the kitchen preparing her lunch, Angela decided to tell Ami the truth about her separating from Ted.

She would soon find out anyway. Her heart beat faster and her hands felt clammy. She stubbed out the cigarette. Ami walked through the open door smiling. Angela thought she looked a picture of health and happiness. Her shiny black hair was flowing around her shoulders and she wore a pink dress. Angela remained sitting on the couch, nervously rolling up the magazine.

Ami appeared stunned for a moment.Do you cook from scratch normally? What is not fine is an able bodied man permanently refusing to contribute anything to the family finances. Any effort to improve, or change, another person is like saying I know better than you about your life to them.

If the wife is the higher earner it is still acceptable for her to expect her husband to pay for the accommodation and running costs of the household. Fascinating Womanhood is an example of evil practices being hailed as noble and even necessary. I'm going to stop reviewing now, before I become really angry, swear a blue streak, and commit perfectly justifiable acts of violence.

Bait is very different from Pandoras Box, but I have included it here as it is a common phenomena women encounter when they start to change. A fascinating woman has a noble character, a generosity of spirit and a kind heart she behaves with refinement.

DEMETRIA from Kentucky
I do love reading books wildly. Also read my other articles. I am highly influenced by felting.